Hold your crickets there, you knew I was getting around to this post this week. I've just had other things on my mind.
As of this post, we have Cena vs Rusev, Rollins vs Orton, Reigns vs Show, Bryan vs Barrett, Kidd/Cesaro vs New Day, Sheamus vs Dolph, and Ambrose vs Harper.
A steel chain match, a cage match, kiss my arse match, last man standing, and street fight. I think the tag team match and the Intercontinental title match are the only two listed as "regular" matches...which given this is a ppv dedicated to the "spirit" of hardcore; they are the extreme matches and the rest are pretty much the kids meals on this menu.
So, Cena vs Rusev...nothing new here. We've seen big guys at the end of leashes before, drag each other around exhausted trying to hit every turnbuckle while remembering the words to ring-around-the-rosie. Doesn't matter if you call this a ball and chain match, four corners touch match, ring-around-the-rosie match, or what; after loosing to Rusev the last few times, Cena's got this in his back pocket.
Kidd/Cesaro vs New Day...I can't even get the energy to...what was I saying? Kidd/Cesaro for the win. Unless creative is ready to heel it up with the New Day. That's the only way those three mis-matched preachers are going to come out on top. If they heel turn...if two of them heel turn and giver the bottom of their boots to the third. I've surprised myself that I've stayed awake long enough to write that. Both teams have become the answer to insomnia.
Bryan vs Barrett for the United States title. How are they going to fix this match if Bryan is injured? Unless they turn it into a tag team match or triple threat with say Adam Rose or something, and have Bryan just happen to loose the title while not in the ring because Barrett pinned someone else...I don't see this match going down in any other way. Daniel Bryan might as well just be on commentary for this one.
Sheamus vs Dolph in a kiss me arse match. Oh god! Really? Seriously? Why? As much as I would love to see Sheamus's naked arse on tv in techicolour...vampires aren't in any colour though are we...I have never seen the point of these humiliation matches. They go beyond stupid sorry. I think Dolph is going to win this just because creative doesn't know what else to do with either of these poor guys right now.
Roman Reigns vs Big Show...last man standing match. Okay, this could go either way depending on how creative plan on using the other two werewolves in their matches. This so far for the list of matches makes the most sense. Last man standing is a classic, hardcore or not. And it could be used as a straight up brutal force wind knock the dude off the mountain with nothing but an uprooted oak tree or it could be used as a mind over matter mat match. Hence classic. But we know in this case, it's going to be a throw the ring bell still attached to the time keeper at the opponent type of match. Sad really, that with all the potential that Reigns has, they are still only using him to shoulder open locked doors. Even if Reigns ends up being the last man standing here, he's going to loose a few years.
Seth Rollins vs Randy Orton...cage match with the RKO banned. Huh. The end result can only be Orton getting the title by Kane's interference. Not to help Orton but to shack over Rollins. This werewolf will come out bloody and bruised and beaten like a whimpering pup, but I think that will be held in favour with Reigns winning his match.
Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper...in a Chicago street fight. Seriously? Seriously? Do the writers have nothing else in the kitchen that they can add to Ambrose's pot? I get it, he's built his career on taking as many punches as possible and stumbling back up. This werewolf makes the word dizzy look up the word concussion. Just once I'd like to see him shock the hell out of everyone and have a plain old fashioned mat match submissions style, nothing crazy. After the storyline they had started to give him last month before WM, where he was defending the history of the Intercontinental title, it would be nice to see him back it up. Prove that you're not just bad hair gel and safety pins. What on earth could this dude do if all the chairs/tables/ladders/weapons were banned and he had to stay in the ring? Is he even capable of doing an old fashioned match? I used to think he was better then this, but...my money is still on Ambrose...if he doesn't jump off the roof and break his neck before the end of the match.
Which brings me to what I meant by Rollins and Reigns winning their matches. We're coming to the year mark since the Shield were broken up. It's clear that creative have in mind to slap the title on Orton, leaving Rollins' character flapping in the wind like a ripped jacket. And with Big Show's character still firmly in the Authority, this leaves one storyline in my mind...putting the hounds back together. But if they are going to do that, I'd suggest sooner rather then later, given how often Ambrose seems to get himself hurt. I give that boy 4 years max before he kills himself in the ring.
see you after the ppv
Love Ardeth Blood.
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